Author Interview: In Sickness and In Health by Dr. David Hawkins

Earlier this month, I reviewed In Sickness and In Health: The Physical Consequences of Emotional Stress in Marriage by David Hawkins, PhD, with Tyson Hawkins, MD, and Joshua Hawkins, MD.  In my review, I gave it five stars because of its honesty, information, and healthy perspective. Read my full review here.

Today, I'm returning to In Sickness and In Health with an author interview with Dr. David Hawkins, but first, a little about the book.

About In Sickness and In Health:

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? 

When you first met your spouse you probably had a physical response to the emotions you felt. You’d get butterflies in your stomach, your heart would race, and your palms would sweat. So why is it that after you’re married, it’s so hard to make the connection between your physical health and your emotional well-being when you’re facing relational stress?

If your emotional pain feels physical and your physical pain feels emotional, your marriage may be making you sick—literally. Join Dr. David Hawkins and his sons, an internist and a surgeon, as they explore the effects relational stress and trauma can have on our bodies. You will learn to . . .

• recognize the link between emotional and physical pain
• embrace the power of choice to become empowered by hope
• find a path forward to ultimate restoration and regain your life

No matter what kind of pain you’re experiencing, or how long your health has been in decline, you don’t have to stay stuck. Discover hope and healing when you take control of your life.


Interview with Dr. David Hawkins:

What defines a toxic marriage?

Five Signs: 1. A relationship where you can’t seem to do anything right. 2. Everything is about them, not you. Your mate’s needs always trump your own. 3. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with him. 4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around your mate. 5. You feel no freedom to grow and change.  

What is C-PTSD? 

Complex PTSD is chronic relationship stress, marked by the following: emotional dysregulation, difficulty with self-perception, interruptions in consciousness, difficulty in relationships, inaccurate perception of one’s perpetrators and broken system of meanings (loss of faith and meaning in life.)

Do you think that the C-PTSD that results from a toxic marriage has a disproportionate effect on women?

Absolutely.

Often, women experiencing the kind of physical maladies you describe are also experience autoimmune disorders. Is there any correlation between these types of disorders and emotional stress?

There is no doubt a positive relationship between PTSD, CPTSD and autoimmune disorders, not to mention other psychosomatic illnesses.

What are the calling cards of the type of marriage that produces symptoms of physical stress?

A toxic marriage, or marriage of high-conflict and never-ending stress, is likely to lead to physical symptomatology. The body definitely keeps score when it comes to chronic relationship unhappiness.

How does your faith inform your views on psychology and medicine? How does it inform your views on marriage?

My faith is my foundation for everything I believe about my practice of psychology and marriage counseling. I believe in the sanctity of the individual and the marriage. All decisions I make as a clinician and solutions recommended need to align with Scripture.  

What are the steps towards healing that individuals can take to recover from an emotionally damaging marriage?

First and foremost is the importance of naming the truth of what is happening. You can’t change what you won’t own, you won’t own what you can’t see and you can’t see unless you are open to feedback from others. So, after naming the problems, seek steps to change and grow. Victims of emotional abuse need specialized help to heal and perpetrators of abuse need special help as well. Getting the right help can make all the difference, especially if they stick with the healing process.

Are there preventative measures individuals can take to stop their marriage from becoming toxic?

Yes. Couples can name the toxicity at the beginning of the destructive process rather than live in denial and waiting until things are very bad. Early detection and treatment are critical.

What do you hope that readers take away from your book?  

That they are responsible for their healing, for finding the best emotional, physical and spiritual help available, and that healing is available to all.

Book Review: In Sickness and In Health

About the Book:

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? 

When you first met your spouse you probably had a physical response to the emotions you felt. You’d get butterflies in your stomach, your heart would race, and your palms would sweat. So why is it that after you’re married, it’s so hard to make the connection between your physical health and your emotional well-being when you’re facing relational stress?

If your emotional pain feels physical and your physical pain feels emotional, your marriage may be making you sick—literally. Join Dr. David Hawkins and his sons, an internist and a surgeon, as they explore the effects relational stress and trauma can have on our bodies. You will learn to . . .

• recognize the link between emotional and physical pain
• embrace the power of choice to become empowered by hope
• find a path forward to ultimate restoration and regain your life

No matter what kind of pain you’re experiencing, or how long your health has been in decline, you don’t have to stay stuck. Discover hope and healing when you take control of your life.

My Thoughts:

When I was a young wife, I eagerly read Christian marriage books. Now, fifteen years into marriage I'm highly selective about what marriage books I read, having recognized that some of them perpetuate lies, unhealthy thinking patterns, and even abuse. Therefore, when I chose to read In Sickness and In Health by David Hawkins, Ph.D.,with Tyson Hawkins, M.D., and Joshua Hawkins, M.D., I went in a bit skeptical, questioning if the authors could marry Christian beliefs with a healthy perspective on struggling marriages.

I'm glad I took the time to read In Sickness and In Health as it fascinated me from the beginning. I knew little to nothing of psychosomatic medicine before reading the book. Much of the information about how mental and emotional stress can impact one's body was totally new to me. I would say at least half the book addresses physical symptoms of stress in marriage before moving on to encouragement for wives in difficult marital situations.

In terms of bias for or against divorce, I'd say In Sickness and In Health stayed pretty neutral. It didn't lean heavily to either side though it did acknowledge that divorce is sometimes necessary. The book doesn't attempt to delve into theological issues regarding divorce. Rather, it focuses on getting the woman to notice her symptoms, acknowledge that a difficult marriage may likely be the source of her physical ailments, and empower women to pursue healing – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and relationally.

The premise is that when a woman prioritizes and pursues health, she will start the process of making healthy decisions that will likely beget more healthy decisions, healthy patterns, and healthy relationships. Dr. David Hawkins (who is the main author) doesn't attempt to address every issue that a woman may face in a struggling marriage, though plenty of examples are given. He's honest that becoming healthy requires effort and there will be both difficult times and hard decisions.

Hands down, Chapter 10 (Disappointment with God) was my personal favorite as it deals with personal faith as it relates to marriage. He's honest that faith can be a source of confusion for wives when theology is mixed with partial truths and personal thoughts. I liked that Dr. Hawkins affirms that wives are allowed to have healthy boundaries, stand up to abuse, and that God is with the person who puts his or her trust in God. I loved the end of the chapter where he states: “From a crisis, however, we can expect a new life to emerge, a new faith to be reborn.” I have found this true in my own life and marriage.

In Sickness and In Health: The Physical Consequences of Emotional Stress in Marriage by David Hawkins, Ph.D., with Tyson Hawkins, M.D., and Joshua Hawkins, M.D. was highly interesting to me. Because of its honesty, information, and healthy perspective, I can recommend it to wives in difficult situations. Also, women can find a great deal of helpful information in the book in regards to being mentally and emotionally healthy, not just in marriage, but in all of life.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."